I just felt like writing...

Well, I'm back. I don't know what to say, except maybe that I'm ok. I get a little down sometimes, but then it goes away and I'm back to being my old self again. Which can be good... or not!
Do you ever wonder if there is actually someone out there for all of us? you know, like a soulmate or a lifetime companion, or something like that? I do, a lot. When I tell people that at the rate I'm going, I will probably be alone for the rest of my life, they say not to worry, the right person will come along when I least expect it. But what if he doesn't? Who says you are supposed to meet this person, or if he even exists! I don't mean to sound tragic, but I have met a bunch of people who have stayed alone all their lives. I don't know if this was a personal choice or if it just happened, but there are people who never meet or find or stay with that special someone.
I believe I met mine when I was 13. He was a neighbor. He was 2 years older than me and I fell in love with him the moment I saw him for the first time. We had been neighbors forever, but I met him one year before I left my country. My father decided to move all of us to a "caribbean paradise" when I was 13 and I have always hated it, mostly because it meant leaving him.
I was more corageous and wise in my friendship with that boy than I have ever been with any other man in my life. I remember looking into his eyes and seeing myself in them. I still have that picture in my head.
We were in touch for about 2 years before he fell off the face of the earth. I found him again thanks to the miracle of internet. We were adults by then. We emailed back and forth for about 2 years again, before he dissapeared again. I have even thought that maybe he died or something terrible happened to him. He was all alone in the world. His mother died, his grandmother died, he didn't have a relationship with his father and he was an only child.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I remember how happy I was everytime I saw him and everytime I got a letter or email from him. He was my best friend and I miss him. I could talk to him about anything, he was never judgemental or prejudiced. He was a good friend, and that is what I want in a man. In the end, that is all that matters, lust fades, beauty fades, passion fades, even that romantic love thing fades. Friendship, now that can only grow.
The funny thing is that I was so damn gutsy with him! I had known him for a couple of weeks and I confessed my feelings to him!! Now that takes guts of steel, even for an adult, imagine a teenager. The strangest thing is, you would think he acted like a teenager when this happened and made a fool out of me or something like that. In reality, I still can't believe how mature of him it was to face it like a man and approach me to talk about the letter I had sent him that said how I felt.
Never, and I mean NEVER again has a man been so respectful and sweet with me as he was. We remained friends. Nothing ever happened between us, even though he was quite the "gigolo"! lol
As much as you can possibly be at 15, especially 20 years ago!!!
I loved him for that and I still do. However, I don't want to think that there is no other man for me. That would be really sad and tragic. I think I deserve the love of a good man, now I just have to find him, or maybe.. he has to find me!