I don't usually remember my dreams, but when I do, there's probably a very good reason behind it. Most of the dreams that I do remember are disturbing or have some sort of meaning, like a premonition. Yes, I have had premonitions in my dreams, it's weird.
Anyway, the dream I had last night was not one of my favorites. Any situation in which I get yelled at and fail a test, is definitely not one of my most enjoyable moments. Well, I got both things in my dream last night. I'm not going to explain the whole dream, mostly because I don't feel like writing it all, it was long. This is the short version: I was carrying someone else's baby, I got yelled at for it, and I ran off to take a test, which I failed. That is the short of it, but if you must know the baby was not a stranger's, which is why I was so upset about getting yelled at, insulted really. It was very upsetting.
So I went to one of those web sites that interprets dreams, and basically, there is a challenge I am presented with and I feel like I'm going to fail. However, the baby represents rebirth or something like that. I don't like this kind of dream.
The other day I had a very strange feeling about a dream, it was almost like an out of body experience mixed with a dream. I was walking around my neighborhood, I was as old as I am now, so it was the present, but the neighborhood was in the process of being built, which was 20 years ago!!! It felt so real!!! Creepy..
I wonder why most of my dreams are completely gone before I wake up. I hate that. On top of the fact that my life is completely uneventful, I can't even remember the fabricated events of my subconscious. That sucks...
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Thursday, February 08, 2007
I just felt like writing...
Well, I'm back. I don't know what to say, except maybe that I'm ok. I get a little down sometimes, but then it goes away and I'm back to being my old self again. Which can be good... or not!
Do you ever wonder if there is actually someone out there for all of us? you know, like a soulmate or a lifetime companion, or something like that? I do, a lot. When I tell people that at the rate I'm going, I will probably be alone for the rest of my life, they say not to worry, the right person will come along when I least expect it. But what if he doesn't? Who says you are supposed to meet this person, or if he even exists! I don't mean to sound tragic, but I have met a bunch of people who have stayed alone all their lives. I don't know if this was a personal choice or if it just happened, but there are people who never meet or find or stay with that special someone.
I believe I met mine when I was 13. He was a neighbor. He was 2 years older than me and I fell in love with him the moment I saw him for the first time. We had been neighbors forever, but I met him one year before I left my country. My father decided to move all of us to a "caribbean paradise" when I was 13 and I have always hated it, mostly because it meant leaving him.
I was more corageous and wise in my friendship with that boy than I have ever been with any other man in my life. I remember looking into his eyes and seeing myself in them. I still have that picture in my head.
We were in touch for about 2 years before he fell off the face of the earth. I found him again thanks to the miracle of internet. We were adults by then. We emailed back and forth for about 2 years again, before he dissapeared again. I have even thought that maybe he died or something terrible happened to him. He was all alone in the world. His mother died, his grandmother died, he didn't have a relationship with his father and he was an only child.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I remember how happy I was everytime I saw him and everytime I got a letter or email from him. He was my best friend and I miss him. I could talk to him about anything, he was never judgemental or prejudiced. He was a good friend, and that is what I want in a man. In the end, that is all that matters, lust fades, beauty fades, passion fades, even that romantic love thing fades. Friendship, now that can only grow.
The funny thing is that I was so damn gutsy with him! I had known him for a couple of weeks and I confessed my feelings to him!! Now that takes guts of steel, even for an adult, imagine a teenager. The strangest thing is, you would think he acted like a teenager when this happened and made a fool out of me or something like that. In reality, I still can't believe how mature of him it was to face it like a man and approach me to talk about the letter I had sent him that said how I felt.
Never, and I mean NEVER again has a man been so respectful and sweet with me as he was. We remained friends. Nothing ever happened between us, even though he was quite the "gigolo"! lol
As much as you can possibly be at 15, especially 20 years ago!!!
I loved him for that and I still do. However, I don't want to think that there is no other man for me. That would be really sad and tragic. I think I deserve the love of a good man, now I just have to find him, or maybe.. he has to find me!
Do you ever wonder if there is actually someone out there for all of us? you know, like a soulmate or a lifetime companion, or something like that? I do, a lot. When I tell people that at the rate I'm going, I will probably be alone for the rest of my life, they say not to worry, the right person will come along when I least expect it. But what if he doesn't? Who says you are supposed to meet this person, or if he even exists! I don't mean to sound tragic, but I have met a bunch of people who have stayed alone all their lives. I don't know if this was a personal choice or if it just happened, but there are people who never meet or find or stay with that special someone.
I believe I met mine when I was 13. He was a neighbor. He was 2 years older than me and I fell in love with him the moment I saw him for the first time. We had been neighbors forever, but I met him one year before I left my country. My father decided to move all of us to a "caribbean paradise" when I was 13 and I have always hated it, mostly because it meant leaving him.
I was more corageous and wise in my friendship with that boy than I have ever been with any other man in my life. I remember looking into his eyes and seeing myself in them. I still have that picture in my head.
We were in touch for about 2 years before he fell off the face of the earth. I found him again thanks to the miracle of internet. We were adults by then. We emailed back and forth for about 2 years again, before he dissapeared again. I have even thought that maybe he died or something terrible happened to him. He was all alone in the world. His mother died, his grandmother died, he didn't have a relationship with his father and he was an only child.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I remember how happy I was everytime I saw him and everytime I got a letter or email from him. He was my best friend and I miss him. I could talk to him about anything, he was never judgemental or prejudiced. He was a good friend, and that is what I want in a man. In the end, that is all that matters, lust fades, beauty fades, passion fades, even that romantic love thing fades. Friendship, now that can only grow.
The funny thing is that I was so damn gutsy with him! I had known him for a couple of weeks and I confessed my feelings to him!! Now that takes guts of steel, even for an adult, imagine a teenager. The strangest thing is, you would think he acted like a teenager when this happened and made a fool out of me or something like that. In reality, I still can't believe how mature of him it was to face it like a man and approach me to talk about the letter I had sent him that said how I felt.
Never, and I mean NEVER again has a man been so respectful and sweet with me as he was. We remained friends. Nothing ever happened between us, even though he was quite the "gigolo"! lol
As much as you can possibly be at 15, especially 20 years ago!!!
I loved him for that and I still do. However, I don't want to think that there is no other man for me. That would be really sad and tragic. I think I deserve the love of a good man, now I just have to find him, or maybe.. he has to find me!
Monday, February 05, 2007
why does this always happen to me??!!
Never mind what I wrote before. I saw him today with his girlfriend, who happens to be the daughter of his father's associate, in other words, his childhood sweetheart. How do you compete with that? That's it. I guess I should have seen it coming, anyhow that is what happens all the time. So if you have a friend who hasn't had a girlfriend in a long time all you have to do is introduce him to me, if I like him he will probably get a girlfriend in a couple of months, and guess what? it sure as hell isn't going to be me!
I know I sound like a drama queen, but let me assure you, the exact same thing has happened to me too many times to count.
I'm not feeling so hot, so I'm going to stop writing now before I start using the vocabulary that I usually use when I feel this way.
It's all good... whatever.
I know I sound like a drama queen, but let me assure you, the exact same thing has happened to me too many times to count.
I'm not feeling so hot, so I'm going to stop writing now before I start using the vocabulary that I usually use when I feel this way.
It's all good... whatever.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
I can't do it!!! I'm such a chicken!!
I know this might be a little too much information for me to be sharing... but I have to get it out of my chest!!
Ok, let me start from the beginning. I am not the easiest girl to approach, this is something that I have realized a long time ago. Men are terrified of me, or maybe they just find me unpleasant or arrogant, I'm not sure, mostly because none of the guys that run the other way has cared to share why they do so.
Anyway, I am usually attracted to older men, always have been. Something about the way they handle themselves, the fact that they know more than I do about life, I don't know, I can't really explain it. However, about 8 months ago I moved to this new neighborhood, very nice place, secluded, peaceful, small. Little did I know when I moved here that I would change my taste in men, well, if you can call him a man! lol
There is this gorgeous guy in his early 20's that lives around the block. And that is where we catch up with what I said at the beginning of this post. I can't seem to get myself to hit on the guy! I don't know what it is. Everytime I try to bring myself to do it, I stop myself. I'm so childish!! If he only knew!
There are a few setbacks that are probably the reason why I can't seem to be able to approach him. He lives with his parents, being so young and all I'm sure they wouldn't like it if an older woman was hitting on their son. You could say, "well, they don't have to know about it", only problem with that is that, like I said before, small, secluded neighborhood. The guy lives around the corner and has family friends a house away from mine. It would be almost impossible for them not to find out. On top of that, he is always surrounded by those people.
I know I'm closing all the doors on this matter. He seems like a really nice guy, he is young (every young man's fantasy is an older woman that is attracted to them).
I don't know what I'm trying to say with all this, and it's not like I'm asking for advice either. I have already gotten all the advice I need, and it comes down to one sentence: "go for it!!"
I just can't seem to be able to do it. Ugghhh! I hate that!
Why can't he make my job a little easier!!
Ok, let me start from the beginning. I am not the easiest girl to approach, this is something that I have realized a long time ago. Men are terrified of me, or maybe they just find me unpleasant or arrogant, I'm not sure, mostly because none of the guys that run the other way has cared to share why they do so.
Anyway, I am usually attracted to older men, always have been. Something about the way they handle themselves, the fact that they know more than I do about life, I don't know, I can't really explain it. However, about 8 months ago I moved to this new neighborhood, very nice place, secluded, peaceful, small. Little did I know when I moved here that I would change my taste in men, well, if you can call him a man! lol
There is this gorgeous guy in his early 20's that lives around the block. And that is where we catch up with what I said at the beginning of this post. I can't seem to get myself to hit on the guy! I don't know what it is. Everytime I try to bring myself to do it, I stop myself. I'm so childish!! If he only knew!
There are a few setbacks that are probably the reason why I can't seem to be able to approach him. He lives with his parents, being so young and all I'm sure they wouldn't like it if an older woman was hitting on their son. You could say, "well, they don't have to know about it", only problem with that is that, like I said before, small, secluded neighborhood. The guy lives around the corner and has family friends a house away from mine. It would be almost impossible for them not to find out. On top of that, he is always surrounded by those people.
I know I'm closing all the doors on this matter. He seems like a really nice guy, he is young (every young man's fantasy is an older woman that is attracted to them).
I don't know what I'm trying to say with all this, and it's not like I'm asking for advice either. I have already gotten all the advice I need, and it comes down to one sentence: "go for it!!"
I just can't seem to be able to do it. Ugghhh! I hate that!
Why can't he make my job a little easier!!
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