Impending Date

No, I'm not talking about the kind of date where you go out with someone and have some fun (I wish!!). I'm talking about the kind you see on a calendar, the kind that is coming real soon. The one thing we cannot avoid no matter how hard we try. In less than a month I am turning 31 years old.
On one side I am more than happy that my birthday is here, mostly because this year sucked!!! There are no other words to express what I felt this year. There were plenty of good things this year, however, none of them are of any importance when I remember the one thing that ruined this year completely and made me forget that I exist for the last 6 months. I have been living a vegetative life, holding my breath and feeling the worst kind of fear you can ever feel, the fear of something terrible happening to a loved one. The upside of this year was the fact that I FINALLY took a year off from the restrictive life of an employee and became self-employed. It has been great! No pressure, no stress, in the end... a happy existence. I also lost like 10 lbs. which is wonderful, because I quit smoking about 3 weeks ago and I gained weight the last time I quit, hopefully that will not be the case this time!
Anyway, I'm glad all that is finally over. I'm ready to jump into my thirties for real. This better be a good decade, because I just got out of a decade spent working. Not a lot of fun, if you ask me. I want to have fun now, I want to find the guts to go up to that 20 year old I like and say something to him, to risk everything and take that stupid trip I have been wanting to take for so long (back home.....the other one is on hold) And most of all, I want to stop complaining!!!! The only problem with that, is that I would have to become a blind, deaf, ignorant fool, that is, IF I stay in this godforsaken little land. Oh well, there I am, complaining again....lol